“Well, spandex is not so much a fabric as a lifestyle. You don’t need spandex to go biking; you need spandex to fulfill a posture. And what is this posture, you ask? This is the posture of the well brought-up, well-adjusted, middle class, which says ‘well’ when you ask them how they are, and scorns anyone who says, ‘I’m good’. It’s the posture of the braindead…”

I’ve decided something: My friends are weird. Who does something like that at a bar?  I always thought after you had a kid, you would be extra proper. No joking. No laughing. No, doing crazy stuff like crawling under a table to get away from being squished into a corner by your two friends. Or, for that matter—standing on a booth seat flapping your arms trying to get a person’s attention.

Dressing a rock and roll chick for burial meant selecting ebony boots, slim black jeans, a silvery button down blouse, and a green beaded bracelet. I hoped she would approve of my fashion choices. I also hoped she would forgive me for not returning to the apartment and taking more of her personal possessions. She was not ready to part with them, as she was not ready to leave this life.

“Do you follow sports?”

“Baseball, the Reds.”

“Who is your favorite player?”

“Joey Votto; he’s a very good hitter.”

La Llorona means The Crying Woman.  Her husband leaves or dies, and she takes her children to the river and drowns them. Those folktales don’t play.

Sam combed his hair carefully in the mirror, though his hair, despite being softer now that he was getting old, was still uncooperative. He didn’t spend much time looking into the mirror these days, as it was not a particularly rewarding experience.

Lily had not come to the smoke shop for many months, he had not returned to the café. She had left him to drown or rescue himself and he was still unsure which he would choose.

This is what happens when you have an affair with your editor. The man no longer knows his place. Instead of “Mad Magazine’s” “Spy vs. Spy”, we have “Ego vs. Ego.” Both of ours – colossal.

What does it feel like? An exhaustive new pet you quickly tire of taking care of but love showing off to the neighbors; instead of food and water, this one requires zinc oxide and petroleum. Groom it daily and it will be kind to you.

You learn everything when you die. All of the secrets people kept from you. Where your childhood dog really went when he ran away. How your mother secretly pitied you for not being as pretty as she was in her youth. How genuinely proud your father was of you.

The sky flickered and then came those crooked currents of heaven. Like blue serpents thrown down by winged gods– to punish, to enlighten, to bless.